A Beauty-full Eulogy

“How sweet the Gospel sounds to ears like mine
Well acquainted with pain and strained relationships
And He still hasn’t wiped away all my tears yet
My cheeks get wet every now and then
Even when I give my best, I know I fall short
I get scared when the ball’s in my court
Focused on my performance, wretched and poor.” -Beautiful Eulogy

I get scared when the ball’s in my court. Focused on my performance, wretched and poor.

I have been so afraid lately. So afraid of being inadequate that my inadequacy has left me overcome, rather than overcoming. So afraid that if other’s see that I don’t have it all together, and I don’t have all the answers, that my failures and shortcomings will lead to my demise. Hearing this song, tears streamed down my face. The truth is I am inadequate. But the other half to that truth is that His grace IS sufficient for me. The good news of the gospel is not that I am made perfect, but that in my imperfection, Christ covers what I am lacking. His power is made perfect in my weakness. I bring to God what I have; my five loaves, two fish, failure and all, and I see what HE can do with it. Not me. He multiplies my life and feeds His flock. Not me. The Devil diverts my eyes inward. I am distracted by, “Did I do it right?” “How did I look while doing it?” “Do others approve?” “Why does everyone else seem to have it all together and I’m falling apart left and right?” When I’m distracted looking at self, and my problems, I can’t see Jesus. I can’t see what He has done and is doing in my life and the lives of those around me. Like Peter, when I look down I drown. The love of God isn’t based on me or my performance. Its’ origin has nothing to do with me. “We love because he first loved us.” 1 John‬ ‭4:19‬.

It always was, and always will be about God. The whole of creation and this entire epic story we are written into is all about God and HIS great love. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John‬ ‭3:16

So as more of self dies, and I experience truly living in Christ, it really is a beauty-full eulogy. “Use my life ’til it’s poured out for Your sake.”